unrequited love

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Who would dare deprive the sea
of the moon that shines for him?
It seems that though romantic,
Their subtle nightmare never ends.
Moon shines sweet and softly
but is fueled by fire hot as hell.
Quietly she beckons to the waves
Forever trapped under her spell

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redemption/ vomit beneath the mask

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I’m not trying to end my life
You’d win then, wouldn’t you?
I’m trying to kill the person inside me
I’d rather be a husk than a fraud.
It seems almost everyone is fake
At least a husk doesn’t, can not feel…
Even the ‘real’ people wear masks
protect themselves like cowards
It makes me fucking sick, so sick
I want to smear my vomit on the faces of the fake
And put the masks back on them
so they can sit and stew in the stench
that *I’ve* been forced to smell everywhere for decades
Then the last act, one of resignation
I’ll sign in blood on my own skin
And I can start in this world,
Free again

between the seams

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Occasionally I’m granted a glimpse,
of what I’m ‘not’ meant to see:
where the structure of existence breaks
And I can slip between…

Glitter where the fabric tears,
Rainbow in eclipse…
Moonlight through a prism makes
my mind begin to slip.

Love so whole and soothing
I never want to leave
But just like everybody else
I have dreams I must achieve

Kaleidoscope hallucinations,
paisleys and mandalas abound
Eye of God upon me
I dare not make a sound

And what she said is that
she just wants us to live for love
So that on the day we die
Our soul may ascend above

Don’t surrender to the evil
Fight for all that you believe
What is pure and good in this world?
Be careful not to be deceived

I took her knowledge and I
wrote her words upon my heart
So that I cannot forget that

We are all God’s works of art

child of light

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Her hands conveyed a gentle nature,
Hair like golden-threaded grace.
Eyes kind and always smiling.
The peace her spirit gave her face…

Just a touch to feel the pull
of her gravitational soul.
Strands of light grab my hands,
and draw me into her

Her legs like roots reaching down,
anchored to our Gaia mother.
And light like love from her heart
warms one soul after another.

She spoke to me without words,
shook the darkness from my bones,
awakened my inner eye,
set free my heart of stone.

“I’m lost without you” I pleaded,
As she let go of her grip.
“I’m always with you” she replied
And she let my fingers slip…

forgiveness

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that time already?
Can’t keep my hand steady
But I have to write this, no guidance
My palms are all sweaty

My words are still weak
without a voice to speak
But my hand still moves, I’ll prove
I am an artist underneath

My words like olive branches
Yes, I have faith in second chances
I apologize and tell no lies
But your hate consumes you like cancer

Forgiveness does not beget forgiveness
In this thought I become listless
On your opinion of me, I cannot agree
But I know it makes no difference

Kicked me while I was down
But I’m back up now
And I can see from here, so clear
You’re still on the ground

My pity for you is gone now
It was never you that had it anyhow
Your soul is a cavity, depravity
Your heart is rotten and foul

I still wish you all the best
And if I could just suggest:
To let it be, you’ll feel more free
Goodbye and god bless

abandoned

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Things that people seem to care about for a short time:
Cigarettes, soda pop, old mismatched socks,
Receipts, crumpled wrappers, abandoned bottle caps,
Straws, cellophane bags, empty beer cans,
All littered beside cars and sidewalks.
Telling the dismantled story of the city refuse…
Speaking to those who don’t care to look up,
Who over-analyze the little things.
Those who seek sychronicity
And find it in the gutters…
Personifying garbage to elevate ourselves.

the longest funeral

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I cracked the window for a cigarette
Much to cold to go out
When, lo and behold, what do I see?
A fly is hanging about

A nasty fly, taunting and teasing
Taking residence on my sill
I blow it away but it stays
it no longer lives, too still

Silent prayer I blow again
With more force, direction and might
The seal is broken and it takes off
Flying corpse into the night

Twelve stories down is quite a fall
the longest funeral for a fly
he’s already gone but lucky is he
with one last chance to touch the sky

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quietly

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a certain sadness humbles me,
that most would never take note.
these transcendent tendencies
to tempt the fates pains me.
soon the pain fades to ache,
and ache into the black.
I peek and tiptoe
and wander out again…
crisp air sharpening my lungs
caution in my exhale visible.
gentle push and whisper spoke
“one step closer”, then I woke.

psychedelics and their role in the spiritual journey

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First of all, I wouldn’t recommend psychedelics to someone who has no “mentor” to guide them, you need someone who has taken hallucinogenics before and knows how to control a trip so they can help you. I don’t really know anyone who has tried it without a seasoned guide, but I have heard it does happen. I highly advise against it however, for your first time anyhow. I’ve done it a few times alone but it’s certainly not as fulfilling solo.

Now most movies and media give an inaccurate depiction of hallucinogenic effects, there have only been a few films that were anywhere close, and they still couldn’t capture the experience. In fact, most films give LSD, mushrooms and DMT a bad rep. Not to say your trip can’t go wrong, because it can, but you can control your trip if you learn how.

Do not take hallucinogenics if you have terrible unresolved life issues, it is a bad idea. Here’s why:
I believe the reason hallucinogenics have been used for centuries as a way to expand your mind and accelerate your spiritual journey because when you’re tripping, essentially your dimensional veil is lifted *and* your inner most fears and hopes come to surface. Both of these things, if you can come to understand and recognize them, bring you closer to god and your inner self.
However, if while under the influence of a psychedelic you begin to focus on the negative or think about nightmares, they will haunt you until only you banish them from your mind. Sounds crazy to someone who hasn’t experienced this but you’ll understand if you do.

The first time I understood everything that was happening during a trip, my life and mind changed completely. I am now no longer a lifetime atheist. LSD showed me how to find god inside myself and it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. The fifth dimension truly is a heaven we cannot imagine or fathom. I cannot even explain it in the words that I have now. Maybe, someday…

This one trip in particular really changed my point of view, my attitude and my life.
Once an atheist and lonely black soul, full of hate and regret, I thought if I just swept the shadows under the carpet I could forget about them and be a “better person”… almost worked.
During the LSD trip I’m referring to, there was actually a moment, which felt like days but was only a few minutes (according to my boyfriend who witnessed me go into a trance state), in this ‘world’ where I could see colors I’d never imagined and felt an overwhelming peace and a pleasure that was not physical at all, but in my core, my mind, soul (whatever you want to call the inner most part of yourself). It was nothing like our world, it wasn’t made of the same elements, but still it felt like HOME though. In this dimension, god spoke to me. God asked me to follow, I did. At the time, and I still believe, I was astrally projecting to another dimension.
Then the record I was really listening to in the real world stopped skipping, and SNAP I was back in my old dimension. I was depressed instantly at having to leave that world, and leave the presence of god. I don’t know why but it was like everything I’ve ever been searching for I had finally found and the chasm in my spirit had been filled.

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addiction

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Sleep deprivation must be an addiction. Why else would I have forced myself to stay awake until the last possible moment every night since I was just a kid? I’m certain I’m just as addicted to it as I am to sleep itself. Such a paradox…

I wonder to myself if this is strange or typical. Both probably.

Nicotine, caffeine, alcohol, all fairly “normal” and easy things to be addicted to… Do they make us forget about the other things, that aren’t “drugs”, that are also habit forming? Chocolate, sex, secrets, music… I can never be satisfied.

I crave the powerful sweep of music that pulls my mind into a parallel reality. I long for soft touches, wet kisses and intimacy that drowns my body in endorphins. Reading and writing are a daily part of my life, so much so that I cannot go a day without them either.

All these things, keeping me “on the hook” like jealous lovers, cause me to think about why I nurture addiction… I’ve come to the conclusion that I am addicted to happiness, just like everyone else. So, I give in to my every whim. So, I’m silly and childlike and a “handful”. So, I put it all in the “fuck-it bucket” sometimes.

It’s my life, we are all given our *own* for a reason. We nurture our own virtues and faults. We starve our own souls to feed our bellies. We feed our demons freely and make companions of addiction.

So many judge others for their vices because they are more public than their own. This disgusts me.
Feel free to do as you wish, but let me be the master of my own catastrophe.

high

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drinking hope

straight from the bottle,

a once familiar repertoire,

I can’t have you with me

(I won’t be here too long)

body rooted to the earth

soul motive to take flight

if freedom was a drug

I’d take you

with me

tonight

foreign flowers burst to blossom

beside me

hymen broken

(for beauty alone)

and stems that

(once)
strained to hold me

now lift me

high above the sun

a solace to surrender

myriad of memories,

(I let go)

how your touch was

life

to me

the way your kiss

set me

aglow

wide-eyed

watching

reach the sky

and spill

the (almost) stars

hollow heartbreak in their wake

witness their wistful

“au revoir”

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